Like You've Never Been Hurt
by Nillen
Summary: Alternate Ending. Post-Cuba. Charles is broken by his dream to walk again and Erik is left to pick up the pieces. Erik/Charles if you squint.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer : I do not own X-MEN First Class.

**This story is canon!AU. Post beach.**

Erik didn't left and Charles still got shot. **Characters might get out of characters**, I'll try my best to control that. I've also started with a new story about deaged Alex ( it's Halex ) and it's still in progression, courtesy of a prompt in 1stclass_kink ( I really should stop reading unfilled prompts, am I? )

Thanks to **Captaingeek** for betaing this chapter! :D

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><p>The first thing that Erik noticed when Charles woke up two days later after the incident with Shaw was that his eyes had lost their shine.<p>

It didn't take much for Erik to figure it out. He knew the brunette from inside outside and no matter how many times Charles kept on trying to convince him that he was okay, Erik wasn't going to believe him. It left a bitter feeling on his tongue and in his heart, as he watched the now half paralyzed man gave his fake – sick – smiles to all the children. It felt wrong; because Erik shouldn't have stayed to go through this.

This was the aftermath and Erik had never been the one who deal with loss and consequences.

But as he sat down on the chair beside Charles' bed, drinking in his face and his presence, Erik was sure that he would suffer more if he chosen the alternate road before. Charles looked down on his lap, his fingers fumbling with each other and Erik carefully reached out, placing his own on top of his.

The movement stopped.

Erik wished this was all a dream. Nothing but a dream.

"… Why did you choose to stay, Erik?" Charles softly murmured; blue eyes staring down, refusing to make any eye contact with him. Erik tightened his hold on their hands, he bit his lip before he took a deep breath.

The room was only occupied by them, the children were gone to do some works or maybe just to evolve themselves in what they still got left. Erik hung his head down, his mind was empty of words and Charles didn't seem to care when it felt like forever before he got the courage to answer.

"I don't know."

It was true.

Erik didn't know why he stayed at the first place.

Perhaps it was because of his revenge was fulfilled. Or maybe because Charles was injured. Or it could have been because Erik just simply didn't have any other choice to take. He couldn't leave Charles behind just like that because no matter how cold Erik might seem; what kind of heart didn't look back?

Charles took a deep breath, his fingers remained immobile in their hold and he titled his head up slightly, looking at the dull white wall in front of him. Then he slowly closed his eyes. Erik waited for the bomb to explode, wait for it just happen or something or anything so that it could kill the silence that now threatening to drown him, cruelly without mercy.

It didn't take long for Charles to finally look at him.

It was unnerving how those cerulean blue eyes actually capable of looking so broken but accusing at the same time. Erik almost wished that he didn't look at him at all but that would cost him his sanity.

Charles waited for the older mutant to say something to defend himself or maybe to ask whether he was feeling all right but nothing came out. Erik was staring back at him while Charles tried his best to manage eye contact without cowering away. His icy blue eyes seemed to have many secrets buried inside of them and Charles ached at the knowledge that he wouldn't be able to know what they were.

Erik Lensherr would forever be a mystery that Charles Xavier wouldn't be able to divulge.

Even when the reason of why they were here now, in Charles' room, not somewhere a lot more comfortable – the study, perhaps – was fact that Charles could no longer move – with his legs. Charles would forever remained locked away from Erik. Erik that stayed behind because he didn't know what else he should do other than looking at him with sympathizing eyes and unconsciously, cruelly reminded him that he couldn't walk.

Not anymore.

Erik pulled him back from his reverie, of his hands idly touching his knee, felt nothing and sensed nothing. Charles was so near to grab anything close to stab his legs with at the moment when Erik touched his arm, his eyes staring as if he could see right through his soul.

"Charles?"

"Okay."

"What?"

Erik looked as if he was taken aback by Charles' respond to his concern. He blinked his eyes and leaned slightly forward as if it could make disappear of the distance between their shattering feelings.

Charles looked away, back to defend his unstable emotions and he could felt the other man radiating hurt and disappointment.

"Okay. I understand your answer." He chose to repeat his words with a mere explanation followed. Erik refused to tear his eyes away from him and Charles felt those eyes burned hole on the side of his head. But Erik said nothing to further bring this discussion into any worse circumstance; he just simply nodded his head and squeezed his arm for a second before finally letting go.

Charles fought the urge to pull him back because he didn't want Erik to leave just like that. But his mind and conscience chanted 'He did this, He did this to you' many times, over and over again and it hurt to know that there was no one to deny the fact.

He believed that Erik knew about it too but he didn't have the heart to bring it up with Charles. Because he pitied him and Charles hated himself so much at the moment for hating Erik on that. It was ugly, that he actually still couldn't accept that within many people and souls, it was him who Erik hurt at last.

Erik leaned down slightly to press a light kiss on his temple, as if he tried to make him feel better and Charles wanted to scream 'no'. But he kept it all to himself and only watched as Erik made his way out.

The tension was left hanging up in the atmosphere. Untouched and unspoken.

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><p>The children were back to their routines.<p>

Raven appeared more in her real skin rather than the blonde that Charles had known all throughout his life but she seemed to be more than happier. Charles could only smile and pulled her into a hug when she came to bring him dinner one night. He realized that he was being unfair before, wanting Raven to hide who she was and it was unforgivable. But Raven, _beautiful_ Raven didn't even blame him for that. She was even grateful that Charles had started to accept that she wouldn't be the same old Raven he met first at his kitchen, disguising as his mother and was afraid of the world.

Raven was now a lot more than that. She might not be the bravest person but she certainly didn't scare of anything anymore.

Hank was in progress to accept what he truly had become. Charles watched as he tried to get over the fact that past would only stay as past. There was no way for him to fix what he had put himself into and the only way for him to heal was to move on. Charles realized that after his transformation, he seemed to be a lot more open about his feelings and his abilities. He didn't afraid or shy away every time something happened under his supervision and Charles could almost say that his brilliant mind had take on a positive outcome when it came to build new things.

He'd learnt in time that there was nothing for him to regret about his mutation when all it gave to him was what he needed the most.

Alex had taken a path that Charles found himself surprised to find out. The usually ruthless blond, hot tempered and young blood seemed to have found peace after the incident at Cuba. He was a lot more than a child that Charles had taken away from the jail months ago. His maturity had started to show and Charles knew that if something were to happen to him, he could count on the blond to take over his lead. Alex still had the same qualities in himself that labeled him as one Alex Summers; he still pulled pranks on Raven, he was still bullying on Hank and he still loved to mess around just for the sake of it.

If Charles had closed one eye, he wouldn't see what Alex had become, how his mind had fixed a target to find others like them and to protect them from any harm, and Charles was grateful that he didn't.

Sean was the one that managed to bring Charles back to who he was, only for a bit, but still. The young redhead was bright with life, his happiness and his excitement rushed through Charles when he practiced in the open field. Charles would spent his time watched the redhead from the open windows of his bedroom, taking in the beauty of the boy's soaring soul when he flied like he owned the sky. And when he realized that Charles was watching him as well, he would either give him a wide grin or a wave of his hand, surprisingly aware of his doing at the same time.

Charles wished he could be there too; flying because walking wouldn't be an option for him anymore.

And Erik, Erik was nothing like what he was before. Charles found himself deprived of the man's company but also wanted to have nothing to do with him anymore. Erik took his role to care for the children, to accompany them during practices and he even gave them some lectures about things that he knew about. Languages, Raven told him that Erik taught French, Italian and German to them. Physics, Hank was more than thrilled when he explained some new theories he had learned from Erik. While Sean and Alex had to deal with more practices when concerning Erik but those two seemed to improve so much better in such short term.

Charles noticed that when their eyes found each other, Charles was the first to look away and the senses of disappointment and aches that exuded from Erik, never seemed to fade.

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><p>"You should do something, you know?"<p>

Erik stopped in his doing, titling his head up to see Alex who was sitting across the table, in front of him. Alex had this rare look upon his face, the one that either pitying him or empathize with his feeling. Erik decided that he didn't want to find out but Alex was fast to call him again.

"Mr. Lensherr, Professor is acting weird-"

"And what makes you think you know better than I do?" Erik unintentionally snapped at the young blond, causing Hank who sat next to him to twitch slightly. Erik paid him no mind as his focus was now solely for the younger one.

Alex met his eyes, determination visible in his pair of blue orbs as he clenched and unclenched his fists on top of the table. Erik waited for him to retort or anything but he was slightly taken aback by the next words that came from the boy.

"Just do something, will you? You're the closest person he has as a friend and we're nothing more but his children." Alex murmured under his breath, looking away at the same time as if he hated himself for caring too much. Hank only stared at the blond like he just grown another head while Erik blinked his eyes, words failed him to respond.

Later that night, Erik gathered those small pieces of courage that he had, standing upon the closed door that led to the room belonged to one and only Charles Xavier. He put his fist on the door, debating with himself for the last time whether or not to knock when a voice echoed in his mind.

'_Come in, Erik, the door is unlocked.'_

Erik mentally cursed but made sure not to make it audible for Charles to know. He slowly opened the door and peek his head in. Charles was sitting on his wheelchair near to the open balcony, a book on his lap and he smiled that fake smile Erik loathed so much.

Despite their circumstance, Erik wanted to scold Charles that it was dangerous for him to sit too near the open balcony; regardless that his room was now in the ground level. He could have fallen out from it and no one would realize that. Someone could have entered his room and harm him and no one could sense it earlier.

It was devastating how worried Charles could make him felt and how ignorant he was sometimes when it came to Erik's feeling.

Erik quietly entered the room and closed the door behind him. Charles still staring at him, waiting for him to tell or ask for anything that he needed, like that was supposed to be the only reason why Erik would want to see him now. No more chess, no more late night talks and no more beers.

They had become what they were when they first met each other.

"I need to tell you something." So he started with something that he knew would led to somewhere rather than a sickly heartwarming 'how are you doing?' because Charles would answer with a mere 'Fine' and Erik wouldn't know what else he should say.

Charles titled his head slightly to one side, the small smile stayed on his lips and Erik clenched his fists on his sides, hating the way Charles unconsciously played with his feeling.

"What is it, my friend?"

"I'm sorry." It tasted bitter on his tongue, the regret and the guilt he tried to make disappear, and they tasted worst when they were spoken into words. Erik watched as the smile fell from Charles' lips, his blue eyes lost their façade and he looked so much real now.

Like what he was supposed to look as; like he had been hurt.

But the torment hadn't stopped yet. Not yet.

"What are you sorry for, Erik?" Charles whispered, his words brought to Erik by the cold night wind and Erik had to hold in his shivers. He held his ground and looked into Charles' eyes, his usual kindness shielded by walls, within walls, within concrete _walls_. His Charles wasn't there, he probably died at the beach last fortnight, where Erik had held him close and taste tears on his tongue.

"For dragging you into my problem, for causing so many messes, for causing you hurt and for making you like… like _this_."

"_This_ is called _cripple_, _Erik_," Charles' words were sharper than any knives and Erik found his inside started to bleed like it couldn't be stopped, "Cripple, call it that. I can't feel my legs. I can't move my legs. I can never walk again, Erik. I am a _cripple_."

Erik struggled to stop him, his fists clenched and unclenched nonstop on his sides, "No, Charles-"

"No, _Erik_, you know what happened to me, why are you acting like I'm still normal? I can't walk anymore, don't you know that? I can never walk and run or anything with these legs anymore and you know _who_ did this to _me_?" his voice was filled with frustration and anger and sadness and Erik found himself speechless by the question.

Erik remembered the feeling of sands underneath his feet and a warm body closed against his chest. He remembered tears, he remembered blood and he remembered the cold metal called bullet he had on his palm. He remembered Charles looking at him, lips trembling and Erik remembered his whispered words.

The silence that lingered in the room suffocated them. Erik wanted to leave, to run away, to just disappear while Charles' blue eyes, brimming with tears were staring straight into his.

Erik clenched his eyes shut, unable to fight the ugly truth that was just becoming uglier. He turned on his heels and went to leave the room but before he closed the door, he heard Charles saying something in a small voice.

"If you were truly sorry, Erik," Erik was stopped only to listen to his next words while Charles closed his eyes and took a deep, shaky breath.

"… You wouldn't have done it in the first place."

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><p>AN : It had been a while since I last wrote angst. Do you want me to continue? x3

Review please.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer : I do not own X-MEN First Class.

**Unbeta-ed.**

**Anonymous Review's Reply :**

**Jk** : Ah, I'm glad you like this ;) No slash? :l I'll try my best not to since this isn't suppose to be slash at all. But I am truly sorry if things get out of hand. Thank you for reading this anyway! :D (hugs)

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><p>Charles stared at the disappearing back of the man he called a friend, something deep inside of him broke into thousands of pieces. He looked down on his lap, where his hands were resting and his book lay forgotten. He traced his eyes lower and saw his immobile feet, hanging at the end like a burden.<p>

His eyes felt warm and Charles held in a sob when he blinked and a tear escaped.

He felt horrible.

He felt awful, ugly and horrible.

It was not Erik's fault that he was like this– cripple, like he had cruelly thrown at his face, but he needed to blame someone. He needed to put the fault on someone else, letting them bear the pain that he wasn't brave enough to carry. He was a coward and Charles hated himself for it.

He never meant to push Erik away, to hurt him like that but there was no other way. He was enough with his self loathing while people around him said good things about him and he needed someone to hate him to show that he wasn't perfect. Erik definitely would not do but Charles needed someone to blame for his condition.

He had sent Moira away, unable to look into her eyes again and tell her he was fine. He couldn't accept the guilt and the sympathy in her eyes. He sent her away with a kiss, hoping that she would never remember and would forever forget.

But Erik was different.

Erik chose to stay despite his condition. He stayed even when Charles didn't ask him to and Charles hated it when Erik had to go through every day seeing him in his pathetic form.

Charles would remind himself over and over again what had happened at the beach. How cruel fate had punished him, so that he could stay rational and move on.

But the last glance at Erik had thrown at his way before he left his room had succeeded to break his heart even more.

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><p>The dinner would be awkward if not for the efforts by the children.<p>

"But I want to go for the next trip! Why is it always Raven and Alex that got to go?" Sean mumbled, muttering how unfair it was for him to stay home while Raven and the blond were allow to go on the trips with Erik to recruit other mutants. Raven grinned, definitely thrilled by the fact that they were going again while Alex rolled his eyes at the redhead.

"Well, duh, Bigfoot is blue and furry," Hank growled at him for that, "and Professor has to stay back," while Charles was looking amused at his mentioning. Alex pointed his fork at the youngest in the house.

"I can destroy stuff and Raven is able to change form. We need a babysitter and that left _you_ behind. And all you can do is screaming. I bet Professor and Bozo are the ones that have to look after you, not the other way around."

Sean threw a dirty look at his way and Alex snorted, obviously happy with victory. Hank rolled his eyes at the young blond and Charles couldn't help but to laugh a bit. He noticed that Erik was silent ever since the start but Charles wouldn't do anything to bring him up.

Erik stared as the others continued to chatter, mischievously flickered some peas at each other occasionally and Erik had to look away when he accidentally met Charles' eyes. He glared at his steak, his dinner, as if he could burn holes through it with his eyes.

Erik hated this. This situation, this feeling and this guilt.

It was worse than _that_ time, when Charles told him that it was him who did this, not Moira and to listen it again from Charles, this time with anger and sadness in his words, it nearly caused Erik to lose his sanity. So he did the most rational thing he could think of.

Abruptly, he stood from his seat, causing all pair of eyes, except for one – that he loved the most – turned to look at him. Erik just shrugged them away and made his way out from the dining room. Alex was bowled over for a moment, looking at the blue mutant beside him as if Hank had the answer to one of their mentors' sudden depart, while Hank only managed to blink his eyes.

Charles refused to make eye contact with any of his students, quietly continued to eat his meal. Raven faked a cough once she combined two by two, attracting attentions from the boys to her.

"So… Maybe I should go with Sean for this time, poor soul never got the chance for a new trip."

Alex twitched.

"Hell no."

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><p>The days had passed without much helps from either side.<p>

Charles found himself spending time alone in his bed, his study and everywhere when the children were not concerned. He still saw Erik lingered in the rooms or in the hallways; sometimes the temptation to call out for him or just hold onto him was so strong.

But Charles still hadn't get over his curse.

When he opened his eyes in the early morning, remembering how good it would feel like to get throw his legs over his bed, go to the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face before he proceed to the kitchen, make some tea by his own and later have his morning run; it was devastating.

Just at the thought of his morning routine almost brought him to tears. He couldn't help himself to think of his previous life and how much it hurt to know that he could never be the same again.

So every time he reached out to hold onto Erik that was starting to slip away – through his fingers, just like grains of sands, how ironic – he would remind himself about his flaw and his hand would dropped down slowly, letting the only man he had ever yearn so much, to disappear.

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><p>Nightmares were Charles' best friends.<p>

They loved to visit him, especially at nights when he was having his sleep, unknown to the world and dead to the thoughts.

Sometimes Charles would dream of his mother; his beautiful, _beautiful_ mother that had loved him less and lesser as days passed by. He would see into her eyes, how devastated she was at the fact that Charles wasn't normal; that her only child could not be like other human kids, the ones that could not listen to people's minds and manipulating them.

Charles usually would woken up from the dream with a blank face, a blink of eyes and he would just shrugged the dream away, as if they were not worth it.

There were times when he would dream of his stepfather and stepbrother. How much he loathed the former because he knew that he married his mother just because of her wealth and the latter that loved to bully him. He dreamt the times when he protected Raven, passively accepting all type of treatments Cain Marko gave to him and he swore to not fight back because that could only cause more damage. His mother hated it when he caused so many troubles.

He didn't want his beautiful mother to get frustrated over him.

And a fortnight after they finished with their dinner, the one with Erik left halfway, Charles found himself staring back into Erik's icy blue eyes and the feeling of sand under him was so real.

He could felt the pain on his back, the fear and worries in Erik and he heard him shouted at everyone to not come close to them. He watched as Erik tried to kill Moira, saying with hatred filled voice, that she had hurt Charles, she had caused him this and Charles found himself pleading for Erik to stop before he opened his mouth and said,

_"No, Erik… **you** did this."_

He blinked his eyes, tears falling uninvited and Erik was looking back at him, remorse and self-loathing visible in his eyes before he quietly, almost too caringly, told him that they should be together, side by side against the humans and their goals are the same but Charles had cut him off, shaking his head and said 'no' all over again.

But this time, instead of throwing his helmet away and threatening the red mutant with tail to bring them to the closest hospital, Erik had turned to look at Moira. Moira quickly took over his place, placing Charles' head on her lap and Charles felt panic rose in his chest.

_'No,'_

Erik stood up, proud and face void of emotions, speaking with such grace that Charles had never know he had, persuading the other mutants to follow him. Charles tried to pull away from Moira and search for Erik's presence in his mind but the bloody helmet was blocking him out. He watched himself failing to say anything and when Raven came closer to him, kneeling down to put a hand on his face, Charles heard himself telling her that she should follow Erik because that was want she wanted.

_'No, No, Raven, don't, Erik, come back,'_

Raven kissed him goodbye before she left his side. She went to stand by Erik and Erik didn't even glance at his way. Charles shook his head frantically but no one seemed to notice as they chose which side they wanted. He watched as Erik held his sister's hand, never once looked back and disappeared into a red smoke.

_'NO! NO! ERIK! ERIK!'_

Charles abruptly opened his eyes when he felt something, no, _someone_ pressed against his body. He was gasping for breath, body trembling miserably as Erik looking down at him, his own icy blue eyes looking nothing but worried.

"Charles-?"

Charles didn't allow him to finish as he threw himself onto Erik, grabbing his shoulders tight and buried his face against his chest. Erik must be shocked, since his body went stiff only for a moment before he wrapped his arms back around Charles. Charles clenched his eyes shut and bit his lower lip, he pulled the older man closer to him.

Erik rubbed on his back, his lips near his ear and Charles heard him clear when he asked whether everything was all right. Charles tried to push himself into Erik, wanted to curl and hide into him but then he remembered he couldn't move his legs.

Erik was a little startled when Charles let out a small gasp and wanted to pull away. However Erik quickly tightened the hold he got on him and their bodies fitted each others like a picture made only with two pieces of puzzle.

The younger brunette was trembling in his arms, suddenly he looked so small and fragile, and Erik wondered what had driven him down from his room on second level to here.

Yes. It was Charles' voice in his mind. He kept on screaming his name and Erik wasted no time running like a madman. He just couldn't run fast enough.

"Were you having a nightmare?" Erik proceeded to ask instead, his voice remained small and soft, like if he was a little bit harsher, Charles might as well break. But the brunette only nodded his head, his hands stayed fisted on Erik's shirt.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Oh God, being with this man was going to be the end of him, Charles was going to be the cause of his death without even trying, Erik grimaced. He couldn't help but inwardly shot himself in the head. How was he going to deal with his problems when his enough were too much to bear?

Charles seemed hesitated for a moment before he shook his head again. Then he went back to wrap his arms around Erik's shoulders and hugged him so tight as if he was afraid that Erik would dissipate into thin air.

And then Erik remembered that they were supposed to be having a cold war now so he mentally concluded that whatever dream, _nightmare_ that Charles just had, it must had something to do with him. Maybe Erik died or something, or maybe he killed Charles instead. Erik felt shivers running through his nerves at the thought and he promptly tightened his embrace around the younger mutant.

Whatever thing that was happening now, with Charles so close against him and warm in his arms, Erik decided that he should relish it. Because the things that were coming by the time sun came out, it definitely wouldn't be pretty anymore.

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><p>A small movement against his body as if something in his arms was trying to get free, easily awaken him from his dreamless sleep. Erik blinked his eyes opened, groggily rubbed his eye with his fist before he looked down.<p>

Charles was staring at him, large and bright blue eyes, hair dishevelled and younger than how a twenty nine year old should look like, and Erik found himself breathless.

Maybe it was the adrenaline of the moment, of waking up beside Charles without one of them trying to stab the other with words that poisoned their hearts. Or maybe it was because he was seeing something that he had been ignoring ever since he put himself in the solitary of guilt, at the thought of never seeing Charles walking again.

Then he realized that his arms were wrapped around Charles' petite waist, Charles' head was resting against one of his arm, near his shoulder and Erik could felt him breathing, evident that he was alive all this time. Charles seemed to turn slightly pink before he lowered his eyes to look at somewhere else, but his eyes.

"I need to use the bathroom." He quietly murmured, his own hands were on Erik's chest, just simply being there doing nothing. Erik nodded his head, as if he was in spell and slowly moved to get up.

Charles watched as he stretched his body and rolled his shoulders to ease some muscle strains away. Then the German did something that he didn't expect, for a telepath, it was quite astonishing how Erik never failed to surprise him. The taller man placed one arm under his knees and another behind his shoulders. Before Charles could stop him, he brought him up in his arms like a _bloody_ bride.

"Erik!" Charles exclaimed, much to his horror, his face burned with embarrassment and a little bit of frustration. But Erik just nodded his head and started to walk toward the bathroom.

"Yes, bathroom." He spoke without looking at Charles and Charles wondered if-

"You're heavier than you look." Erik said all of sudden and Charles promptly looked away, his ears turned red by the realization of his unintended projection. Erik left him in the bathroom so that he could use his privacy and Charles grimaced by the fact that he was standing outside the room now.

He wanted to tell Erik to go back to bed or maybe to his own room but he didn't have the heart to. The man had done what Charles thought that he wouldn't after such treatment that Charles gave to him.

And Charles didn't want Erik to go away.

He didn't know what he would do if Erik wasn't here and the thought alone making him wanted cry his eyes out. It was an act of weakness, and it was not like Charles was already in the bright side of the world. He was half paralyzed, couldn't live his life like others and it wouldn't suppose to harm him to live so dependently on Erik.

Charles closed his eyes and snickered, shaking his head at the irony of himself.

How could he want a man that caused him harm and how could he want him to be here when there was nothing else he could give him but burden?

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><p>AN : I've decided, 6 chapters for this story. Next chapter is gonna be cruel, uggh, I'm such a sadist ;D

Thanks to **Vinie, fujoshii92, Utena-Puchiko-nyu, MirrorFlower and DarkWind, Valkyrie-Pleasant, Ie-maru, Jk** and** Auteur-Onirique** for all those lovely reviews ;)

Review please.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer : I don't own X-MEN First Class.

Hey, what do guys think about Erik Lensherr / Charles Xavier / Tony Stark (Ironman) ?

**Unbeta-ed.**

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><p>Once Erik placed Charles back in his bed, Charles made no action to stop him when he said he'd be leaving for his own room. He also said nothing but Erik hesitantly put his hand under his chin and kissed his temple.<p>

It was a gesture of love. Of care and tenderness but Charles had to hold from grabbing onto Erik and returning his concern. It didn't feel right. Not now. Maybe never.

As the sound of the door being closed echoed in his bedroom, Charles realized how empty his heart was.

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><p>"I want to company all of you in training today."<p>

Everyone turned to look at his direction with wide eyes. Hank had his jaw dropped. Raven and Alex blinked their eyes out of surprise, Erik remained passive and Sean's spoon dropped back into his bowl of morning cereal.

"What? Charles, I think you should stay inside first for these few weeks-"

"I'm sick of staying inside the manor, Raven, I need some fresh air and if you have forgotten, all of you are still under my supervision." Charles smiled at them and Raven promptly groaned. Erik looked like he wanted to say something but decided to keep silent. Charles disregarded him like last night didn't exist and Erik didn't seem to mind.

Around 10 in the morning, Charles followed the children and Erik to the training field outside the manor. Hank resolute to dump his work for the day and maybe do some exercise too.

"Today's practice, hand to hand combat." Erik stated in a firm voice once they were all gathered. Sean and Alex automatically groaned while Raven fisted the air almost excitedly. Charles stared at them not far behind Erik with Hank beside him. Hank smiled.

"I'm not fond on this kind of practice. There's too much possibility that I'll win if not Raven." Hank couldn't help but chuckled. The other children got ready into their own chosen location and stance, aware that Erik might start attacking at any time.

Charles learned from Hank that the rules of hand-to-hand combat's practice were first, no one was allow to use their power, second, tricks and cooperation were permitted and third, time limit for every round was thirty minutes. They would be doing it in the forest beside the manor where it gave more of the hunting atmosphere.

Charles frowned despite the reassured safety of the practice, as Hank said that Erik would not attack first but he would defend himself instead.

"You do approve this kind of practice, though?" he looked up at the blue mutant and surprisingly, he saw Hank smiled and nodded his head.

"Yes. It helped if one of us being caught or something nears the same situation and unable to use our mutation."

Charles sighed, closing his eyes and tried to repeat the word 'if' again and again in his mind. He wondered what else he had been missing in his days of recovery. He allowed Hank to wheel him closer toward the forest to see what would happen next.

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><p>The day ended without any problems came striking in. Erik was long gone after the practice to his bedroom and left them alone. Alex suffered a black eye while Sean and Raven were unharmed. Charles had to bite in his laughter when Hank tried to aid the blond but ended up being attacked instead, which led both boys on the carpet in the living room; Alex straddling Hank's lap.<p>

Sean wolf-whistled and Raven barked at them to stop messing around.

It was lovely to watch them being naughty and alive.

It made Charles felt that the price of the war – his legs especially – was nothing when his children were being compared to it. Despite Erik's cold demeanor, Charles knew that he was contented by what they had achieved and what they had turned into.

Blinking his eyes slowly, Charles looked around him. He was still in the living room, alone now since the children had gone back to their respective rooms. He looked down on his lap, where his hands were folded on it and a weak smile tugged on his lips.

He didn't realize it until now that it had been almost a month he hadn't entre Erik's mind. For the helmet that he loathed so much, he had detected it on top of Erik's table in his room but thankfully, it remained untouched. For now.

Erik used to let him at least wander when he didn't trust him enough to dig through his memories and thoughts. Charles was used to be there, simply relishing the feeling of Erik, being in his mind and listened to every thoughts that he unintentionally or consciously let Charles heard. It was like being alive and real in someone else's shoes. Charles had never refuse any proposal when Erik suddenly thought that they should linked together in mind, heart and soul.

But that was long time ago, isn't it?

Charles shook his head when his thought seemed to affect his emotions. He didn't need to go lurking in Erik's mind now to know that he was still hurt. Charles didn't have the heart to go and comfort him. They would go nowhere from there but downturn.

Charles still couldn't forgive him for making him like that. Or maybe he did. Perhaps he just couldn't accept what he had become and it was killing him slowly. He'd rather let Erik thought that he hated him than letting the German care for him and return his affection.

Charles was nothing but a burden anyway.

* * *

><p>It happened late that night. The night after Charles had his nightmare and hoped Erik would forever stay, and the same night Erik thought something good was going to bloom again.<p>

Charles wheeled himself from the kitchen, currently just gotten a glass of water to ease his thirst. It was nearly three in the morning and he somehow couldn't get any sleep. The lights were off except for the ones in the hallways. He took his time to return back to his room, relishing the moment of quietness from those sleeping minds. However, as he made his way to turn in the corner directing to his own bedroom, he had forgotten something.

There were few steps of stairs, half covered by a board that Hank put there for his benefit. He accidentally rolled down on the stairs version and couldn't stop himself from falling. A pained yelp escaped his lips as he fell sprawled, face first on the floor, the wheelchair rolled and knocked down to its side.

Whimpering, Charles tried to support himself with his arms, legs remained immobile near the wheelchair. But a sudden presence of mind, a waking, active mind froze him in his position.

Charles titled his head up, blue eyes wide as they stared into another pair of blue, icy blue. Erik was standing few feet away from him, leather jacket on and seemingly just returned back from somewhere. But Charles could care less.

It was the churning sensation in his stomach that made his nauseous that was important. It was the way Erik staring down at him, eyes equally wide and surprised that caused him wanted to die. It was his position and his weakness that made Erik stilled like that.

Charles blinked his eyes, suddenly realized that his breaths had come in rigid and uncontrolled and he quickly went to get himself up. Erik, seeing him moved on his spot, hastily made an attempt to help him but Charles unexpectedly stopped him.

"Don't come near!" he shouted, unable to think why he couldn't just project it to his thought, why he was screaming at someone who wanted to help, to Erik?

Erik froze in his stance, eyes went impossibly wider and Charles gritted his teeth out of frustration. He tried to drag himself closer to his wheelchair but miserably failing and when he sensed Erik wanted to help him again, he vigorously shook his head and looked back at the man.

"Go away, Erik! Don't come near!"

"Charles-"

"I said_ go away_! Which part of those _bloody_ words you don't understand!" Charles cried out, unsure when his tears had started to fall and how his body was trembling. Erik looked conflicted at him, as if he didn't know whether to listen or to help.

Charles clenched his eyes closed, ashamedly allowing his tears to fall as he tried again to sit properly. He heard cries coming out from his lips – pathetic, pathetic, and _pathetic_ – as he reached out for the wheelchair, trying to place it back down. He ignored Erik who was still in front of him.

He didn't want to see how he looked like in the man's blue orbs and the thought itself made him sick of himself.

Erik was clenching and unclenching his fists on his sides, watching his friend, _only_ friend struggling on his own, trying to appear strong when the hurt was still visible like a poorly seamed heart and dangerous like thousands of glass shreds. He watched as Charles bit his lip to suppress his cry, unable to put the damn wheelchair to stand properly and Erik had to close his eyes tight, drinking in Charles' screams for him to stop when his power was itching to fix it back for him.

Charles turned his back on the German, promptly trying to climb back onto the wheelchair once he managed to get it right but his legs betrayed him. He couldn't stay for any more second in this place, with Erik standing so close and watching and _it hurt because it wasn't supposed to be like this and Charles was supposed to be walking and running and not crippling-_

He hung his head down and broke in another heartbreaking cry, hands clutching tight on the arms of his wheelchair when he realized he wasn't going anywhere without someone assisting him. He heard Erik breathing heavily behind him, as if Erik just running miles to get here but Charles knew better that it was his rage and frustration.

"Don't, Erik, don't…." he rapidly wiped away his unstopped tears, eyes closed when Erik approached him again. But this time, the man didn't listen and Charles hit him in protest when he placed an arm under his immobile knees and another around his shoulders, lifting him up in his arms without even blinking his eyes.

Erik cradled him close to his chest with his one hand as he hastily walked toward Charles' bedroom. Charles struggled in his hold, hitting him with both fisted hands, hurting his face, his head, his chest and anything he could reach but Erik didn't stop. His face was tears streaked and Charles screamed on top of his lungs when his frustration and anger and grieve finally ate him in whole.

His body shook repulsively, filled with angst and how much self loathing he carried with him. His sobbing didn't ease as Erik got into his bedroom and slowly, gently placing him down on his bed, like he was a fragile person, no, _he was fragile, he was weak and pathetic and a burden-_

"Charles, shh, Charles…" Charles let his body sunk in his bed as he cried, eyes closed and facing the front. He felt Erik ran his hand on his hair, pushing back few strands of brown away from his forehead and Erik was so close, resting their foreheads together.

Charles could felt sadness, anger and frustration from the man but he couldn't do anything. Erik's ragged breaths mingled with his own while Charles couldn't stop himself from crying anymore.

Because it was hard trying to stay strong after the façade that he supported almost a month finally broke.

Erik took shaky breaths as he continued to smoothen his hair, Charles could taste salty tears in his tongue, slipped through his cries and whimpers and he didn't care who it belonged to. Erik rubbed his thumbs on his tears marked cheeks and Charles found himself unable to open his eyes.

He didn't want Erik to see how broken he was. How hurt he was now, that he probably was beyond mend and would forever be shattered.

"Erik… go away, Erik… please, _just go away_…" he whimpered between his sniffs, promptly feeling the stiffness of the body of top of him and he clenched his closed eyes tighter. He felt Erik leaned in, kissed him gently on his forehead and the sudden urge to reach out and hold onto his hand came back.

Erik slowly kissed him again, this time both on his eyelids as if he was apologizing for every tear that had fallen and Charles cursed himself when another cry escaped, at the awareness that Erik was going away; this time for real. But he couldn't get himself to hold him close and to tell him that he wanted Erik to stay forever.

And Erik's comforting warmth slowly left his body, screaming at him when his footsteps echoed and Charles cried even harder when the door finally closed.

* * *

><p>It was the next morning, when Charles slowly pushed the door to Erik's bedroom, that he realized the helmet on top of the table was now gone.<p>

* * *

><p>AN : I've tried my best not to make it too OOC, please don't sue me for this! (crying miserably)

Thanks to **Valkyrie-Pleasant, **Vinie, DrowPrincess, ******Utena-Puchiko-nyu **and ******MirrorFlower and DarkWind****** for those awesome reviews! ;D

Review please.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer : I do not own X-MEN First Class.

**Unbeta-ed.**

Next update is going to be a little late. Blame it on authors' deadly enemy : writer's block.

* * *

><p>It had been months since Erik had left the manor. Not, it was three months, one week and three days actually. And while trying to get over his dark era of life, he realized that his children were disappointed in him.<p>

The first day Erik had left, Raven had shouted at him, calling him 'selfish' and 'insensitive' while Hank tried his best to protect him. Charles couldn't blame his sister, it was his fault. He was selfish, true. Erik had tried his best to help and the only thing he could think of was how horrible his life was. Insensitive because Erik suffered the guilt of hurting him and all that Charles did was to add salt in his wound.

It was harder to move on without Erik after that.

Charles didn't know how much it would hurt until it happened and now he felt like dying for real. Alex had taken over the whole tasks to guard the manor and he even cooperated with Hank to build the Danger Room. The place where they went for practices because _Erik had left._

Sometimes Charles found himself lying on Erik's bed, slowly breathing in his scent that had been there for as long as Charles remembered. Sometimes he sat in his study, staring at the untouched chess set that Erik and he always played. Sometimes he tried to locate Erik with his mind within the small range, just to make sure if he was close and if he was all right but he would always be rewarded with disappointment.

Those acts stopped when he realized that he wasn't moving on. Erik had left, he had pushed him away and things happened. Charles found that he had no more right to mourn when the fault was his in the first place.

* * *

><p>"Professor, we're going now… are you sure you can take care of yourself?" Alex asked him, looking worried and doubtful as Raven stood beside Charles, hands gripping on the back of his wheelchair. Charles smiled and nodded his head.<p>

"I'll be fine. Hank is here to take care of me if something happen." He turned to place his hand on top of Raven's while Sean was looking conflicted as well. This was their first trip to recruit new mutant without Erik. It was decided that Sean, Alex and Raven should go together since the new mutant they just found might caused a little bit of problem if he were to attack them. Hank had to stay behind with Charles but Alex couldn't seem to get over the fact that he might wouldn't even leave his lab during their absent.

"Okay… Please don't do anything risky." Raven narrowed her eyes at him and Charles had to stifle in a laugh while nodding his head. Sometimes, Charles just couldn't accept it when he was being babied instead of other way around and it did amused him under some circumstances.

"Yes, my dear, I will. Now, off you go. We don't want to be late, do we?" he gestured toward their car and Alex took a hesitant step before retreat back just to put his hand on Charles' and squeezed it. He let go a second later and hastily made his way into the driver seat. Sean mocked salute him and Charles waved him away. Raven was the last one he sent off as she leaned down to hug him first, tightly.

Once they were out of view, Charles stayed in his position for a while and thought, was this how it would felt like when they were all grown up and leave for their own lives in future later?

* * *

><p>Charles peek his head inside Hank's lab. The blue mutant turned to look at him, probably he had sensed his presence by his smell earlier and Hank smiled at him.<p>

"Come in, Professor. I'm still working on the blueprints for Cerebro." Hank explained, showing him a bit of his success as Charles made his way in. Since Cerebro was now in progression, they searched for other mutants using the old ways; information, maps, paranormal activities in certain areas and if they were lucky that the mutant was close, Charles' telepathic ability was enough. It was harder when Erik wasn't around.

Charles frowned inwardly, his hands went to clutch on the arms of his chair almost too tight.

He should stop thinking about Erik but he couldn't. The clear fact that Erik wasn't here anymore kept on taunting him, even in his sleep.

Hank seemed to notice his rigid posture and he almost hesitantly called him back to the earth.

"Professor…?"

Charles blinked his eyes and abruptly shook his head.

"Oh, I'm sorry, my friend… I think I need to get some rest first. It has been a tiring day." He faked a smile and slowly turned his wheelchair out from the lab, leaving no room for Hank to question his behaviour.

He retreated to Erik's room, quietly helping himself to get onto his bed before he lay his head down on the pillow that used to carry the burden of his friend's. Blinking his eyes slowly, Charles looked at the white ceiling of the room. His fingers idly tracing the invisible pattern of the comforter and he shivered when the cold air of December ran through his skin.

It was nearly eight and he hadn't had his dinner yet. Hank had come to his room an hour before, bringing his tray of meal with him and Charles was sad that he couldn't even look at the food that was made for him. Unable to find any other place to soothe down his confusing emotions, Charles decided that he could use a bit of Erik's lingering of presence.

Charles breathed out slowly and closed his eyes. He tried to find back the thread that had been disconnected with his. He wandered around places, like tracing his fingers in butterfly touch on every mind and soul he could reached. The adrenaline was rushing through his body like cold shivers.

However, Charles was jolted back from his connection with others, blue eyes flew open at the sudden beat of presence. The presence was too familiar and Charles almost sobbed at the thought that Erik was finally around.

He quickly flied into motion, getting back hastily on his wheelchair – not caring whether he hurt himself in the process or not – and wheeled himself out from the room. First he considered telling Hank and together they can go and look for the German but then, he declined the thought.

It could be just a trick and he made another attempt to find the man. It was difficult and caused him ache by the distance between them but Charles was glad the beat was still there. Charles also believed that a moment of privacy would be very nice if he were to meet him again.

It was time to put everything to its end.

* * *

><p>Charles managed to get to the closest town, where he had first sensed Erik. To be telling the truth, he was wondering why Erik was traceable since he brought the helmet away with him. Wasn't the helmet his method to disappear from Charles?<p>

Charles thanked his driver – William, who was one of the phantom staffs in his manor – and told him to wait there while he went to look for Erik. He quietly wheeled his chair, eyes looking around him. The crowds were not too many, it was almost ten and most people were probably in their warm homes now.

He shivered when another breeze hit his skin, despite his usual attire added with a trench coat and gloves. On his lap, draped a brown knitted blanket that Raven always urged him to bring no matter where he went. His doctor had told them that he wouldn't know when his legs were freezing to cold and it wouldn't be pretty if no measurement was taken. Of course Raven started to get into her over-concerned sister mode at that.

Charles shook his head to get rid of any thoughts from his mind. He stopped on his track, alone on the sidewalk with lamps hovered the street and few to none people wandering around. Charles shakily placed two fingers against his temple and closed his eyes.

It was vague but Erik was near. He could be somewhere close and yet somewhere far too. Charles bit his lip and put his hands on his wheels, readily pushing himself forward. There was no time to waste. He went to look at the nearest place available; the park.

Quietly, Charles looked around him. His fingers were cold despite the gloves and he found himself trembling. It was bad enough that he left without informing Hank. He felt that he could die frozen here in the dark night and a silent park but it shouldn't be a problem.

He hadn't seen Erik for a bloody _three months, one week and three days_. Nothing was going to stop him from looking for him.

He gritted his teeth, stubbornly securitizing around the park by his telepathy for any familiar presence. However, he was rewarded with disappointment. Charles closed his eyes and sighed. He turned to wheel himself away but someone caught his eyes.

Charles stopped in his track, blue eyes wide as he watched a tall man, brunette with broad shoulders and masked face standing not far from him. In his hand, there was a knife and Charles suddenly couldn't breathe.

It felt horrible that he didn't even put any caution for himself before he left. But he assumed that he could just easily stop this human - thief- from attacking him with his ability. Charles took a shaky breath, out of cold and awareness, and raised his hand to place them on his temple. However, before he could do anything, he was surprised to see the brunette's face only an inch away from him.

His eyes were red as he looked down on Charles and Charles found himself struck.

He had been too engrossed in his quest to look for Erik until he had ignored the others around him.

No, not human.

His attacker was a _mutant_.

* * *

><p>Alex quietly drove as he tried to put some focus in his head. Raven was fully awake beside him while Sean already fallen into sleep behind their seats. The blond glanced back at the map where Hank had drawn a circle to mark their destination. Raven fiddled with her skirt for a minute or so before she finally decided that someone should break the heavy atmosphere.<p>

"You're worried, Alex?"

Alex grunted at her question but answered her almost in a too quiet tone, "Yeah."

The blonde looked down on her lap and then she heaved a sigh.

"I couldn't understand why they have to be like that." She said almost frustratingly and Alex had to hush her in case Sean woke up.

"Raven… I don't think we can understand their situation… It was… _convoluted_." Alex made a face at his own choice of word while Raven stared at him as if he just grown another head. Then the blonde promptly shook her head and looked outside the window.

"Maybe if they give themselves another chance to start over again, things will get better." Raven huffed. Alex was silent for a moment, eyes on the road but his hands clutching the steering hard.

"… I was awake, you know? That night… I was awake."

The silence that followed crept on their skins as Raven stared at Alex and the blond tried very hard to remain impassive.

"Me too."

Alex abruptly turned to look at Raven. The blonde gave him a sad, little smile and heaved another sigh.

"Charles unconsciously spreading his pain to us and I woke up in sweat. I was too late to go to his room and to comfort him but I saw Erik before he left."

"And you did nothing to stop him?" Alex was starting to sound mad, raising his voice and Raven glared at him.

"It's not like what you think it is, Alex-"

"Then, what is it, Raven?"

"It was true that Charles rejected his presence but when I looked at Erik's face, when he was about to enter his own room, it felt as if he just found another aim in life."

Alex suppressed the urge to halt the car into a stop as his grip tightened on the steering.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Professor is hurting!"

"Erik is hurting too, Alex, why can't you see that? They are just too confused with everything and they're only pausing, not ending anything at all!"

"Erik still left, he left us!"

"Alex, he never say goodbye in the first place-"

"Err, guys?"

Raven and Alex turned to look behind them, where Sean was already half awake, rubbing his eyes sleepily and was staring blearily at them. It was a little unsettling that Sean was actually the only one with innocent and free mind in the manor; they didn't plan to change that anytime sooner because someone needed to be faithful enough to believe when all hope was dimmed to fade.

Alex groaned in frustration and decided to say nothing more. Raven was more than happy to follow the silence.

* * *

><p>Charles breathed heavily, panic rose in his chest as he looked around him. He had been dragged into the forest near the park and he couldn't track his attacker. His wheelchair was long forgotten in said park and he was now on the ground, laying chest down and mind frantically searching for the brunette mutant.<p>

It appeared that his mutation was to be able to move very fast and he had discovered that Charles was a telepath. He used his ability to create confusion and it was too blurry for Charles to track his position.

Charles uncharacteristically cursed under his breath when another pain struck him on his right side, sending him rolling over and tasted dirt in his mouth. He spent a second to grimace on the idea of Erik's hand-to-hand combat practice that he disliked but now essential for his life before the mutant kicked him again. It seemed that the mutant was trying to make him pass out without stopping one second too long because then, Charles would be able to take control of his mind.

Charles tried very hard to send mental message to him, to let him know that whatever things he wanted to take away from him, he would gladly give it away and there was no need to act so violently. He opened his mouth to speak when his telepathy couldn't help his life but another attack hit him and he found himself coughing blood instead.

Options ran through his mind, now becoming a lot more blurry as he tried to focus. He could just grab another person's mind out there to help him but the mutant got weapon and was too dangerous. He couldn't risk those innocent people's lives and Charles clenched his eyes shut when his head was knocked down on the ground harshly.

He hissed once the attacker finally stopped, his face just inches away from Charles as he knelt down, legs between Charles' chest and Charles found himself couldn't even grab his now unmasked face. His mind was hurting and everything was so vague except for a trace of silver and a pair of red orbs.

Charles remembered his knife. Charles remembered his eyes.

Feeling his last bit of strength finally failed him, Charles couldn't help but thought that this was the most lame and cliché way for him, a Professor of Genetics to die. Hank wouldn't even find his corpse here, he would be left behind to rot or maybe if his killer was kind enough, he'd dig a hole to throw his dead body into. Charles saw flashes of faces belonged to Raven - his poor sister would cry herself to death when she found out he was dead-. Alex - he would forever blame himself on it -, and Sean - poor soul would get traumatized for his whole life-.

As the knife drove down to his chest, suddenly Charles remembered Erik.

But all that he saw later was blood splashing all over his sight.

* * *

><p>AN : I should change the genre to 'tragedy'. o.o

Thanks to **Valkyrie-Pleasant,** DrowPrincess, ******Utena-Puchiko-nyu **and ******MirrorFlower and DarkWind****** for all those lovely reviews ;)

Review please.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer : I do not own X-MEN First Class.

**Unbeta-ed.**

**Warning** : Characters might get OOC.

* * *

><p>Charles gasped when warm blood spilled on him, his hands trembling as they tried to grab on the grassy ground. He clenched his eyes closed once he felt body fell on top of him and he was about to scream – the thought of someone being killed on top of him was horrible –when he felt the familiar vibe.<p>

He heard him hissed, sound of something heavy and metal fell on the ground just near his head and the body on top of him was pushed away almost cruelly and abruptly. Charles shakily breathed in and out, slowly opened his eyes and saw a familiar pair of icy blue eyes staring down at him.

Erik gritted his teeth as he grabbed Charles on his shoulders, pulling him to sit and ignored his yelps of pain and surprise at the same time.

"What are you doing? Are you crazy? You could've been killed!" Erik shouted at him, shaking his body as if he tried to put some senses into him. Charles watched with bleary eyes, taking in Erik's appearance; his usual turtleneck, leather jacket and black pants. The helmet was consciously there, on the ground beside him. Charles found himself took a shaky, sobbed breath despite the way Erik was staring incredulously at him.

The taller man started to panic when Charles suddenly coughed out blood. He wrapped his arm around his shoulders and went to pick him up but Charles had first stopped him with his hand gripping tight on his shirt.

Wide eyed, Erik looked down at him. Charles let out another cough but eyes titling up to meet his. He wanted so much to check on the man just to make sure that this was not a dream, that Erik was so close and breathing and well beside him. But the pain was exaggerating and Charles afraid that he was going to pass out sooner or later.

"You came back…" Charles breathed out, voice hoarse with pain and thick with blood. Erik's eyes softened before he placed another arm under his knees and pulled him close.

"I never really left, Charles."

* * *

><p>"WHAT THE FUCK, HANK!"<p>

Raven and Sean turned their heads to the direction of Alex, who was standing next to a nightstand where a telephone was placed. His blue eyes were wide and Raven found herself bolted from her bed, ruthlessly grabbing the phone from Alex's hand.

"Hank, what happened?"

"Ra-Raven… It's… It's Professor-"

"What's wrong with Charles? What's wrong? Hank!"

Alex tried to take back the phone but Raven glared death at him. Sean gulped seeing the whole situation while the blond gritted his teeth, unable to say anything. Raven turned her attention back to the phone call.

"Hank?"

"H-He disappeared… with the car and all. I think he's out somewhere-"

"Alone?" Raven hissed, fist clenching by her side. Alex frowned as he heard the conversation, his body close to Raven's. Sean was currently burying his own face into the pillow, groaning miserably.

Hank stuttered as he tried his best to explain but the thought of their Professor out there, alone, close to midnight was frightening. He opened his mouth to say something but then, the sound of the main door being opened took his attention.

He turned to look at the intruder and his eyes widened at the sight that greeted him.

"Oh my God! Professor!" he almost scrambled toward the duo that just entered the manor but Raven's shout on the other end of the call startled him.

"Hank! What the hell, Hank!"

"A-ah, Raven! Professor's okay, Mr. Lensherr- Mr. Lensherr brought him home."

His eyes were wary as he watched Erik cradling Charles close in his arms, the familiar helmet settled on Charles' stomach. William brought his wheelchair inside as the German proceeded to walk toward Charles' room after giving Hank a silent nod. Hank gulped and was glad that he didn't mention any of their Professor's injuries to his sister.

"Erik? Erik's back?"

"Y-Yes… I think I have to go now, don't come back, no, I mean, ju-just go on with your trip, we'll be doing fine here." Before the blonde got any other chance to rebut, Hank had first ended the call.

He hurriedly went to the master room and stopped once he reached the open door. Erik settled the unconscious Charles down on his bed, gingerly and then his eyes went to meet Hank's. Hank gulped when Erik mouthed 'We're going to have a talk about this' and he meekly obligated when Erik asked him to bring the medical aids afterward.

Raven cursed as she tried to call them again but nobody cared enough to answer. However, when her fifth attempt to contact the manor suddenly being cut shorted by the phone being disconnected, she could only stared at the boys in front of her with a twitch on her pretty blonde's face.

"If it is true that Erik's back, I think he just cut the phone line." She grimaced. Alex face-palmed, apparently was considering whether they should return back to the manor or now. Sean watched them without saying anything, or perhaps because he just wanted to stay out of trouble by making Raven mad if his words were to go wrong.

Raven promptly slumped down on her bed and groaned.

"I can't believe this."

* * *

><p>Charles groaned softly at the pain on his rib as it was being slightly pressed. In his vague sense of consciousness, he could felt someone else was sitting beside his bed. He slowly opened an eye and saw Erik staring impassively at him. Then he blinked his eyes again, trying to get a hold on the memory before he passed out and he let out another hiss when Erik purposely pressed again on his injury.<p>

"Erik!" his voice was barely heard, a whisper hung in the air and Erik frowned.

"I thought you'd enjoy pain, I'm simply doing you a favour." He gritted his teeth, sarcasm visible in his words and Charles promptly closed his eyes again. The older mutant was full with emotions - worries, fear, concern, frustration, care - and he had to breathe out in relief at the fact that Erik didn't leave him somewhere and instead, brought him here.

… Where was _here_, anyway?

Mentally, he inspected the room and the atmosphere. It happened that he was in his own bedroom, so he assumed that Erik must be the one that took him home. The German was silent with his eyes closed, but his hands were gentle as he aiding his injuries.

When the silence was somehow heavy enough to suffocate them, Charles heaved a small sigh and looked up at the older man. Erik stopped in his track, his icy blue eyes were impassive as he stilled; as if he was waiting for Charles to say something.

"I'm glad you came." That was the first thing that crossed his mind and Charles wasted no time to kill the awkwardness between them. Erik frowned slightly before he released his arm and turned his head so that their eyes met. Charles unconsciously wished he could run away. And his realization downed on him that he _couldn't_ run away even if he wanted too.

"What if I was a second too late? You could've been dead." Erik's voice was small but filled with frustrated and anger, and concern was somewhere between. Charles had to give a small smile at him and carefully tried to sit down properly. Erik gingerly helped him by placing pillows behind his back; Charles noticed that all his wounds had been treated rather nicely. He was even changed into his comfortable nightshirt and entirely cleaned from any bloodspot. He put his hands on his lap, folded them gracefully before returning back his attention to Erik.

"Thank you for saving me, Erik… I-I was quite… intimidated at that time, ironically." He uttered a small chuckle, eyes half lidded as he remembered the knife and the feeling of being trapped. Erik stared at him with the eyes that burnt into his soul and Charles found his breath stuck in his throat when the German suddenly stood up.

"It's fine." Erik murmured, one hand taking the metal helmet – that Charles loathed – from the floor and turned his back to him. Out of instinct, Charles reached out and grabbed Erik's wrist causing the older man to freeze in his position. And because of his action, the helmet - that Charles loathed - fell against the floor with a loud 'thunk'.

"Erik… stay."

It hurt.

His grip on Erik's wrist tightened as he felt Erik tried to pull away, not unkindly though. He bit his lip and tried to remain strong as Erik gave a heavy sigh.

"I have things to do, Charles."

"What? What is it that so important, that you cannot stay?"

The German was silenced for a moment, shoulders stiffened as if he was trying to figure out an excuse; a reasonable one.

"I'm looking for a mutant…" _for you_.

The last part was inaudible to naked ears but Charles heard it echoed in his mind. His blue eyes were wide as he accidentally – or rather, out of instinct – rummaging his mind, not to look through things but to look for a specific one.

He felt his breath stuck in his throat as the ugly, heartbreaking truth screamed at his face. Erik was stiff in his hold but by the look of his eyes, he must have figured out that Charles had invaded his mind. However, he didn't fight back, just waited and bearing himself for the respond to come.

"You're looking for a mutant with healing ability?" Charles whispered slowly, causing a jolt to run through Erik and the German clenched his eyes closed.

"Charles, I don't know what else I could do when an apology is definitely not enough. I can't go on and live like everything is normal when you are like this-"

Charles didn't feel the need to hurt him by correcting his word into 'a cripple'-

"And if there is a way for me to fix this, I'd give up everything for it, Charles. You mean the world to me, you can't just simply put me into blame and thought I'd do nothing about it." His voice was small but filled with regret and self loathing. Charles found himself unable to say anything so he settled to pull down the older man to sit on his bed instead. Erik didn't budge from his hold as he tugged him to sit and he merely looked at anywhere but Charles, as if he was trying to find a way out.

So unlike Erik that he knew. But still Erik, nonetheless and Charles would accept back him no matter what happened to him or to them.

It was time to put everything to its end… so that they could restart with something new.

"Erik, my friend… I've forgiven you, a long time ago."

Erik was staring at him now, icy blue eyes softened beautifully and Charles wanted to reach out and touched his tan skin, running his fingers through the short dark hair.

"It's just… I couldn't accept what I am now. That I was half paralyzed and won't be able to walk again and I was eaten by my own guilt, of unable to help myself and being helpless– that I started to hurt you. I thought that if I blame you, then maybe, the guilt won't be that heavy anymore but it seemed to work the other way around." A small chuckle escaped his lips, filled with irony and he encouraged himself to look back into Erik's eyes.

Erik still didn't say anything, however, his hand had moved to grip on Charles' and stayed on the latter's lap. Charles found it mildly comforting as he took a deep breath and continued with his explanation.

"I was afraid and I still am, that you wouldn't be able to accept me-"

"Charles-"

Charles quickly placed a finger on his lips, stopping him from saying anything that Charles knew he would. Erik's eyes were wavered and his concern was a strong emotion that threatened to destroy his cold demeanour.

"It's hard, Erik. When I had been living my whole life walking and running and everything using these legs and that suddenly I woke up only to find out that they are now useless. I didn't know how to deal with it, Erik, I was so selfish and I did a very unforgiving and monstrous thing to you. I hurt you, I blamed you and I didn't even give you a chance to make everything all right. I'm very sorry, Erik. I don't want to be a burden to you. I hurt you because I don't want to be a burden to you… because I am nothing but a burden to you..."

He bit his lip to take another shaky breath, eyes warmed and blurred by tears as he clutched their hands tighter.

"When you've got what you have always wanted… you have no obligation to stay by my side. And to make it worst, I don't want you to stay if it means having you to look at me like this every day… because we both know it hurts." His voice was smaller as he ended his sentence with a tone of finality. He found himself unable to look up, eyes had turned down to look at their entwined hands and when he felt Erik's other hand touching his cheek, he involuntarily shuddered.

"Charles… Listen. If it was me, who was hurt on that day, would you let me go?"

Charles' eyes widened at the question and his head snapped up to look at Erik. Erik was looking at him with the same eyes, loving and gentle eyes, the ones that others had no chance to see but Charles did. Charles had to shake his head when Erik leaned forward slightly, his thumb rubbing gently on the wound on his temple.

"No."

He saw Erik gave a small, sad smile as he paused his thumb and his lips moved to speak again.

"If I was the one that was shot and paralyzed… would you leave me?"

"No…" his voice had turned into a whimper as he tightened his hand on their grip. Erik took a deep, shaky breath before he continued again.

"If I was the one that unable to accept what I turned into, would you hate me...? Would you push me away? Would you leave me? Would you let me go? Would you _not want me_...?" as his questions continued, Charles had to suppress his tears from falling, his head shaking at each question, denying every accusation and his body was trembling, "No, Erik, no, no!_ No!_"

Charles didn't know when did his tears started to fall but his body was shaking as his other hand grabbed on Erik's shirt to pull him close, their foreheads rested against one another and their eyes were closed as Erik gritted his teeth and whimpered miserably.

"I'd want you, Erik, I'd never leave, I'd hold on, I'd _stay for you_… You know I'd stay for _you_…" Charles cried out, pouring every litter of his heart into his words. Erik's arm went to wrap around his smaller body as he buried his face on Charles' neck.

"Then you shouldn't ask me anything like that. You shouldn't accuse me for any of that. I'd stay for you, Charles, _I'd stay for you too_…"

Charles tightened his hold on Erik, their interlocked hands remained between their chests and cries echoed in the bedroom as Charles threw away every piece of anger and guilt and frustration that taunted him.

Erik was real and warm against him when his cries finally reduced to small sniffs. He felt the German ran his fingers through his brown locks and he settled to bury his face against Erik's shoulder, taking in his scent and his presence.

It was breathtaking. The aftermath of complicated feelings and knotted emotions. Charles found himself breathing a lot easier now that everything was poured out from his mind, heart and soul. He found that it was a lot easier to think that everything that messed with his thoughts had been eliminated.

He inhaled deeply, body still shaking as he tightened his hold on Erik. Erik however pulled away slightly, looking down at him so that their eyes met and Charles felt his breath stolen again when Erik leaned to press a gentle kiss on their locked hands.

His touch had that familiar sensation that caused Charles to break down his walls, to let his eyes saw how his world actually had crumbled, to let him knew that he was now broken but not beyond unfixable, because Erik was here, he'd _always_ be here to pick up all those pieces of his soul. Erik would mend them back together for him; seam them back with his emotions, each gesture was careful as to not hurt Charles any further.

Erik would hurt himself in his mission to heal Charles. He would make sure every day passed with something to hope and something to look forward because Charles had gave him faith in the first place, and now it was his turn to do so. Erik would never let go of their entwined fates and he would forever reach out for him.

Because this time, it was his turn to hold on Charles' hand, to pull him to move forward when he stood fixed because he knew he shouldn't step back. It was Erik's turn to wrap his fingers on his soul and tracing it with heartwarming sentiment. And Charles would let him do it, not because there had been sands underneath their bodies and blood soaking his skin and warm sun revealing his wounds.

It was because this time, Charles would trust Erik again – and again, and again, and again – to hold his hand, so that they wouldn't have to let go again, under the same sky.

"How much of you do I have left, Erik?" Charles heard himself, softly murmured; their hands between their chests tightened against their heartbeats and Charles felt as Erik pulled them even closer, if that was even possible.

"Everything, Charles," He felt himself started to tremble again as Erik gave another kiss, this time on his forehead, gentle and heartwarming - like his eyes -, with that small, beautiful smile on his face. "You have _everything_."

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><p>AN : Next chapter is definitely the last one, epilogue-ish, I guess :D I'm sorry about their characterizations... I'm a sucker for sappy drama. x.x

Thanks to **MirrorFlower and DarkWind, Valkyrie-Pleasant, DrowPrincess, Natters13, Veldargone, Auteur-Onirique, yuki-souma, TONO'S PIZZA DELIVERY** and **Vinie** for all those lovely reviews ;)

Review please.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer : I do not own X-MEN First Class.

**Unbeta-ed.**

Your epilogue :)

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><p>Rushing footsteps were loud as the teens entered the manor; Raven led the way with ignorance for the boys. Alex had never seen himself panicking over the fact that they were now home and the only thing that taunting his mind was their professor's safety. Sean in the other hand, clumsily closed the main door as he tried to catch up with them. Whatever things that were happening now, he was certain that he didn't want to be left behind.<p>

They found Hank on their way and the blue mutant was surprised to see them.

"I thought the trip was supposed to take-"

"We've met him. He didn't want to join us." Alex cut him impassively as they continued to walk by him. Hank blinked his eyes with an 'oh' escaped his lips. Raven was quick to reach her brother's room and she opened the door ruthlessly without informing her presence.

But the sight that greeted her almost knocked her back out from the room.

Charles was sitting on his bed, a small table with a set of chess on top of it was placed across his lap and Erik sitting facing him, legs crossed. She spent about a minute staring at the duo while Charles turned his head to her direction, welcoming her in with a smile.

"Hello, Raven… how's your trip?"

Raven found herself unable to respond as her eyes set on the other man in front of him. Thankfully, Alex who was now standing behind her, conscious enough to answer.

"Failed. What's he doing here?" the hatred was somehow visible in his tone, tangled with hurt and disbelief and relief. Erik was quiet, moving on his chess piece without even looking at them. Charles placed one hand on his knee as he offered another smile to the children.

"He came back, Alex."

"Crawling back?" Raven hissed at him. She was glad that he had returned, of course, but the fact that her brother had suffered so much when he left without a word encouraged her to spit out those words. Charles' blue eyes were wide for a second before they softened with understanding. She realized that Erik was stiff in the first place but now looking a bit guilty before he masked himself back with his usual demeanour.

"Raven…" Charles softly spoken and Erik took that time to interfere.

"I was on a search. I realized later that the search was nothing compared to all of you."

_Compared to Charles._

Raven, Alex and Sean could almost hear the last sentence telepathically at the widening of Charles' smile. Raven bit her lip while Alex looking at both men, seemingly thinking to whether letting the issue go or adding some more oil to the burning fire.

"Fine." Sean, who remained invisible to them before finally, spoke out. The youngest of them stepped forward and gave a toothy smile at their mentors, hands grabbing both Alex and Raven's shoulder.

"We're glad you're back, Mr. Lensherr and please don't leave again. Professor was _very_ sad when you were not here."

At his words, Erik raised his eyebrow at the said brunette and Charles involuntarily blushed.

"That's enough, children… go get your rest, we shall discuss about this matter after all of you get enough rest." He gently stated and while Alex gave a reluctant nod, Raven stood still. Sean quickly ushered Alex out with him, which the blond obligated without resistant and they left Raven there.

The blonde clenched and unclenched her fists by her sides before she sent a glare at the German male.

"We're not done, Lensherr." She huffed and turned on her heels, walking away after slamming the door closed. Erik heaved a small sigh and Charles gingerly patted him on his cheek.

"She'll be fine. She's just angry that you left without saying anything, you know how teenagers tend to act." He gave a small, gentle chuckle; Erik couldn't help but to smile too at his gesture.

"So what is this about someone being sad that someone else left?" he raised an eyebrow again, amusement visible in his tone while Charles pinked slightly, moving his knight forward on their chess board.

"I was feeling guilty… and quite lonely. It had been a while since I last played chess either. Couldn't find any opponent as good as you are, my friend." He smiled. The older mutant just hummed like an agreement to his words. They played for a while more and as time passed, Charles found his curiosity eating on him.

"Erik… if I may ask, why did you brought the helmet with you in the first place?" he quietly murmured, as if he was afraid of the answer. Erik stopped in his motion, icy blue eyes titling up to look at his companion. Charles seemed to be a little apprehensive as he tried his best to remain positive. Erik wondered how long he would hold on his words to not invading his thoughts when everything about Erik placed him in a box filled with mysteries and locked memories.

"I was taking a precaution. I might found a telepath in my journey…"

"Oh… I see." Charles nodded his head, smiling a little. Erik found himself staring a little bit too deep at those cerulean blue eyes.

"I didn't take it to block you away, Charles. I wouldn't and I won't. Not since that day. Never again." His voice was equally small but strong and firm, sending spikes of trust and care at Charles and the telepath took a shaky breath at the realization of his truth. Erik watched as he fumbled with his chess piece and bit his lip, eyes looking at nowhere but Erik.

"I… I'm glad, Erik." He whispered, this time the smile that Erik had came to love appear on his face, gently drawing the perfect picture that was Charles and only Charles. Erik chuckled softly, inwardly shaking his head at his own thoughts.

"And I won't stop looking for anyone that can help, Charles."

"I know but I… I think I'd rather be like this if what it takes is for you to leave. It's hard taking care of the children when you're not around… and after we start with the new cerebro, I believe that there will be so many things I will need your help with." His words however earned another soft chuckle from Erik. The latter took away Charles' bishop from his side and put it down. He titled his head up and shook his head.

"Charles… with our circumstance, isn't me staying here too long would cause you a lot more misery?" Erik murmured gently, eyes deep in some bits of regrets and concern and Charles couldn't help but reached out with his mind. It was aching to know that no matter how many times Erik apologized and Charles forgave him, he simply couldn't bear the thought of Charles' disability. It was somehow comforting to know that Erik cared to the extent but he wished no further misery for the man.

'_Stay, Erik. I need you… and it's not like I've never been hurt.'_

Erik blinked looking at him but his fingers were careful when he later touched Charles'; delicately as if he was afraid that Charles would break if he was a little harsher. Charles felt himself softened and entwined their fingers together slowly.

Erik said nothing but his eyes was gentle and it caressed everything in Charles; like how they used to, _supposed_ to.

And Charles quietly tightened the hold of their hands, across the chess board while a comforting smile took place on his lips; because he was sure, whatever things that were coming on their future, none of them would ever let go.

Not anymore and never again.

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End.

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><p>AN : -sighs happily- So very happy to put an end to this story :)

Thanks to **MirrorFlower and DarkWind, Valkyrie-Pleasant, Vinie, DrowPrincess, Utena-Puchiko-nyu, JamieMc** and **AnjuraAmatrava** for all those lovely reviews x) All of my reviewers deserved a real gold coin per person for being so fucking awesome but unfortunately, I am so very poor ( probably my dad is wealthy but definitely not me :l ) Thanks a lot to those that put this story to their favs and to readers who read but too shy (?) to review and of course, thanks to future readers too for reading this ;)

It has been a very delightful journey with all of you. :)

Review please.


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